Living in Seoul a few summers ago brought out the first layer differences: the food, the people, the culture, and the habits of all three. Over time, however, other subtleties have sprouted in my mind; some weeds, others flowers.

A caveat – this is not meant to say which culture or society is objectively “better,” but a means to understand how the assumptions we are born and raised with are not necessarily universal—though we often make it out to be.

  • Respect of Time: From my experience, folks in Jeolla-buk-do, the region of Korea I’m located in, tend to be relatively punctual, as reflected in their bus efficiency. On the flip side, if a teacher says an obligation (약속) will go until 5, that probably means 6:30, and you should plan for it to go until 8. Nothing special scheduled? Maybe 9pm then. On the West Coast of the US, I’ve found this to be opposite – people tend to show up late but end times are kept in check.
  • Skinship: For the talk of Korea’s heteronormativity, there sure is a lot of behavior that in the US would be considered to be perhaps more than platonic. I’ve seen my fair share of hand-holding, massaging, ear-licking, sharing chairs, sitting on laps, hair-stroking, etc. etc. And that’s just in my classroom. Even funnier is to see dudes spotting each other’s dumbbell presses in the gym by straddling the bench together.
  • Failing School: On my speaking test, a 6/10 was the lowest grade I could give, and I couldn’t give partial credit. Students who sleep or refuse to take an exam receive a 60%—and still go on to the next grade. The threat of ‘failing out of school’ for grades is virtually non-existent.
  • Haircuts: At least 80% of my kids currently have the same kind of haircut. I almost ended up with the same one had I not noticed what the hairdresser was doing. I can’t shake the bowl cut imagery we deride in America, but it kinda looks okay I guess.
  • Toddler Fashion: see: Zara having a quarter of their Jeonju flagship store devoted to kids age 0-12. Most kids dress better than American adults.
  • Middle Class Fashion Niche: I’ve noticed a multitude of stores throughout Korea that cater to people who want to look fashionable but don’t have the wallet to buy the name brands. The U.S. may have such stores, but not nearly at as high a market share.
  • Sports Etiquette: Still can’t explain why Korea’s umpires in baseball and soccer refs call a meeting before the start of the game and then proceed to talk about the weather for a minimum of 3 sentences before commencing the game. Also still haven’t gotten used to remembering to slightly bow (인사) to the opposing pitcher before every at-bat.
  • Green Answer Sheets: Remember scantron bubble sheets and #2 pencils? (shudders) Koreans have them too, except everyone has to use a specific “computer pen” to mark the page, then switch back to regular pen or pencil to mark up the test pages. And if the student changes an answer, they have to use whiteout to change the answer AND the teacher has to stamp their paper to approve the change. Some company making these “computer pens” is stealing a killing from students across the country.
  • Driving Laws: These seem to be optional at almost all times. U-turns all day every day.
  • Family Matters: Getting asked the who what where when why about your family background during a casual introduction. Happened at the bank a few days ago while trying to wire funds back to the U.S.
  • Makeup: Almost all women wear it—multiple men have told me that many women in Korea are “like night and day” with and without makeup.
  • Small Talk Involving Marriage: And not just the first level “Do you have a girlfriend?” question upon first meeting someone that stuns many a foreigner. Got asked “if I thought I was going to ever get married” just a few days ago at an English teacher’s dinner (회식). And at about what age. And to what kind of person. And when to have kids. “I’m just 24! (Korean age)” I respond. “Yeah, exactly! You’re already 24!”
  • Friendship: Have yet to meet a native Korean (who doesn’t speak fluent English) that believes men and women can “just be friends.” This mindset pervades the workplace as well, putting a double pressure on women in the office to reach or succeed in management positions.
  • Kakao vs. Texting: This one is still a theory, but I’ve gotten the sense that Koreans treat Kakao as far more informal than how foreigners treat Kakao, at least when it comes to one-on-one interactions. Need more qualitative data points for this though.
  • Banners: At any official-ish event, there inevitably be a huge banner of some sort, the kind that are seen in the US primarily at a sporting championship.
  • Gift-giving: Anytime you enter a new private space—whether that’s a new school, home, or otherwise—a gift of some kind is necessary, functioning as an almost read-between-the-lines message in response to the hospitality offered.
  • Illness: Have a cough? Straight to the infirmary. Headache? Same thing. Cough and a headache? Definitely go. The thing is, it took me a month to realize that when students kept on saying their classmates were in the “hospital”—spiking my fear of an epidemic of some sort—they really meant the school nurse.
  • Last Bite Standoff: Who gets the last piece of meat? No one knows…until the oldest or most senior person decides who to give it to. Unless you’re feeling lucky; then you wait until no one has touched that dish for +/- 5 minutes and then go for it. But you might (will?) still get judged.

Other Fulbrighters reading this newsletter—any others you can think of?